Tuesday, July 21, 2020

Accused of Stalking But I Have a New Puppy

A week ago, an old college girlfriend accused me of stalking her. I live 240 miles away and give her a phone call on the average of once a month. I always tell her how much I appreciate her friendship and how glad I am we've re-established communications. Apparently, her son has warned her about talking to men outside of church.

First, I don't live close enough to stalk her. Second, she shouldn't start things and she shouldn't share anything I have to say with her son. I don't know him and I don't know why he feels qualified to judge.

Well, who knows what drives people these days? Personally, I suspect we've all been radiated by cosmic waves and our brains have been cooked. It's the only explanation. Anyhoo, if she wants me to stop calling or to stop using certain language in my speech patterns, I can do both of those things. When I stop calling, she won't have to listen to what I have to say anymore.

That news pales in comparison to the new puppy in my household. I found him sitting in the middle of a country road and brought him home with me. He acted like he's known me since birth. Licks and hugs. There was no way I could leave him. Mae has mixed feelings about sharing her space but I think she'll come around.

My animal friends are more loyal than my human acquaintances and they sure care about me more. Now, I don't claim to be the sharpest guy in class, but generally speaking, people are unthinking and hurtful.

You have the ability to make me change my mind on the nature of humanity. It's really easy. Here's how you can do it. You can send me money and/or gifts. I have a public wishlist on Amazon and my PayPal account is always ready to accept donations. If you'd prefer, simply purchase my books and tell your friends to buy my novels too. They're cheap, easy to read, fun, and provide an avenue for you to exercise your powers of criticism. I promise not to stalk you. Your efforts will help restore balance to my life. Please help.


  1. Take the puppy, forget about the faithless college friend.

  2. Stalker? I thought she said Skywalker.

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  4. I always wanted to be stalked by somebody fun, like Pee-Wee Herman or rich like Joy Reid.

  5. Before political correctness became King, they used to call stalking what it really is: dating.