Friday, November 27, 2020
Friends should be those whom you crave to be with. You love them because they love you, not because there is any material expectation, although there should be an expectation of loyalty. If a friend betrays you, then they're not really a friend, are they? Lastly, friends are not your collected acquaintances. Don't expect a warm seat at the Thanksgiving table if you show up uninvited.
Thursday, November 26, 2020
I had an overnight pack with a tarp, flashlight, power bars, and even a sleeping bag, but I really hadn't planned on spending the night in the woods. However, when the sun went down we were still four miles from home, by my reckoning. Mae was worn out and dragging behind. I'd had to carry her before on long hikes and I didn't want to do it again -- she weighs over a hundred pounds! I had miles of a rough nighttime hike in front of me and, what the hell, I wasn't in a hurry.
We made camp high in a protected gully and I built a fire that gave me enough light to set up my tarp. It was beginning to rain and the temperature was turning cold. Mae waited under the tarp as I arranged things. We each had a power bar and water from my battered old canteen and then we just stared at the fire. The rain kept up but it was light. After walking around the perimeter and taking a sniff, Mae curled up next to me.
I woke up sometime later, after midnight. I remember looking at my watch, but I was groggy and it didn't register. Maybe it was because I was distracted. It had stopped raining and the area was eerily silent. The fire was out and it was as cold as my ex-girlfriend's heart. My breath revealed itself in billowing clouds. Mae was sitting up and staring at the darkened forest. She glanced at me.
There was a horrid smell and at first I thought Mae had found a carcass and rolled in it as I slept. Yet, I discovered it wasn't coming from her. It was, rather, in the air. I looked at Mae and asked her, "What's that smell?"
Perhaps I should explain I have lived alone for many years and often find myself talking to Mae. She doesn't answer me, but sometimes she responds with a tail wag or a smile. This time she did neither and continued to stare into the dark. I rummaged in the pack for my flashlight and was about to ask her to go check it out when I heard what sounded like heavy steps that were so close, I thought someone had snuck up and was practically on top of me. I heard someone or something take a deep breath and goosebumps popped up along my shoulders and skull.
The hair on Mae's back and neck stood on end and she barked, deep and threatening. It was her outdoor, I-mean-business voice. I asked her what it was and she suddenly snarled and leaped into the darkness as if her tormentor was right there. She immediately disappeared but I could hear her crashing through the brush behind the heavy steps.
I strained to see before remembering I had the flashlight. I retrieved it and turned it on, then flashed it around. The trees were barren of leaves and dripped from the rain. I could hear Mae barking, but she was already some distance away. I called to her and wished I had brought a firearm.
Eventually, Mae returned. I tried to fall asleep again, but after that, it was useless. At the break of dawn, I stuffed everything in the overnight pack and headed towards the house. On a flat level I could easily cover four miles in an hour, but my route took me up and down hollows and ridges, so it took an extra forty minutes.
When we got home, Mae had a big drink of water and went straight to her bed. That's where she is as I write this. I made some coffee and did some research via the internet and discovered I was sleeping in Bigfoot territory. As a matter of fact, the locals call the spot where I spent the night, Sasquatch's Parlor. Hmm.
Exactly who is it I am supposed to express gratitude towards? The Christian Big Guy? The old three-in-one? The Pope -- head of the New European Commie Church? Sorry, can't pray to a funny hat without laughing. Maybe I should pray to Joe Biden. He certainly pulled off a miracle, eh?
Maybe I should pray to the spirits of the forest. Maybe I should pray to my spirit guide: the lowly termite. I may build a miniature wooden tower today in my front yard. I'll sit at the bottom and babble my prayers. Ya think I'm kidding. I'm not.
Today is Thanksgiving in the US but it's a sad day when you realize the country has been taken over by communists. Oh, I know you'd prefer to call them socialists, but believe me, in the end you'll be calling them sir and madam as you hand over every possession you own. If you believe otherwise, you're an utter fool. On the other hand, they may allow you to live if you can pucker up and kiss their collective backsides. I'll bet you can do that, can't you?
For those of you who want to thank some faceless god for giving you a frozen bird, knock yourselves out.
Tuesday, November 24, 2020
Anyway, now he's gone, but I still look for him every day. No blood trails, nothing to indicate a predator might have nabbed him. I have seven other cats and I would feel as destroyed as I do now if any of them came up missing.
Art and I had five years as pals and he had a great life (for a cat). I wish he was still here. There's another hole in my life where all the love went.
Saturday, November 21, 2020
Friday, November 20, 2020
Thursday, November 19, 2020
After much soul-searching, I have decided to renounce my faith in Christianity. Thanks for the ride, but it's all turned out to be just so much baloney. There is truth out there, but nobody's interested in finding it, so I guess I'll see you in hell. I'll be the barefoot guy wearing Wayfarers. Gimme some sugar before I go.
Monday, November 16, 2020
Saturday, November 14, 2020
Friday, November 13, 2020
Wednesday, November 11, 2020
Tuesday, November 10, 2020
So, I really shelled out some money to get a few things I felt compelled to purchase. I bought a new office chair and put it together last night. It is way more comfy than my old office chair. If you come visit me, you'll probably sit in my old office chair. You can roll around the living room, if you want to. I bought a monitor (32 inch) for when my computer TV suddenly and tragically decides to quit working. A $108 for the monitor (it ain't a Sony).
I bought a thermometer that works. You just press it up against your temple and voila!
I got some lighter fluid for my three lighter Zippo lighter collection. I am a failure as a collector, that's why I only have three.
I bought a kitchen scale in case I ever decide to be a drug dealer and I bought a small vacuum sealer, another accoutrement of the drug dealer.
I got some other stuff too.
There were only three lines open at Walmart. The guy behind me said they were training us to use the self-checkout by not providing enough cashiers. Maybe so. The lady in front of me looked to be in her sixties and mumbled her complaints behind her pandemic mask. I had forgotten mine and was walking around without one, pissing off the snowflakes. I think it probably pissed off the lady in front of me.
So there we were, standing in line at Walmart like refugees exchanging one-liners and waiting our turn. As usual, I tried to make small talk when I should have kept my mouth shut. I told the lady in front of me that I was pretty upset about what was going on with the election. Her friendly expression turned dark. "It's a terrible thing," I continued, "we're losing any semblance of order if, you know, elections can be stolen."
"I hear poll workers are being threatened."
"They need to be threatened if they were in on it."
"What? They need to be threatened?"
"They've committed felonies, ma'am and changed the election results. We don't live in a banana republic."
"You're brainwashed," she blurted out. "Where do you get your news?"
"Hey lady, I actually read."
"You're brainwashed," she repeated, receiving her change and walking away, making a show of wagging her head like a hoary old goat. To seal her position, she told me she'd pray for me that I might see the truth. Holy incoherent ramblings from yet another white American female -- quite possibly the craziest group of people on the planet!
I suppose she thinks she won the debate by calling me brainwashed and turning her back. I looked at the guy behind me and he shook his head. "They won't listen," he said.
In my mind's eye, I saw myself running up behind her and jumping up on her back and wrapping my arms around her throat until she fell over at which time I began to wail on her stunted cranium. I'd have killed her if the cashier had not asked me if there was going to be anything else.
"No," I said. "That'll be all."
Friday, November 6, 2020
Wednesday, November 4, 2020
Crazy makes crazy, right? If you hang out with crazy, well then you're going to end up getting a dose. Crazy is contagious. If your wife or girlfiend (girlfiend, get it?) is crazy, then guess what? Yep, you're going to be crazy too. If your boss at work is crazy, you know what? You're going to be crazy too.
If the preacher at your church is a little whacked out, you're likely to be a little whacked-out too. If they ask you if you're "in love" with Jesus, you don't have to bow to peer pressure. If they ask if you'd care to donate to the Molly Fields Cemetery for the unborn, suggest cremation.
If your parents have begun to forget everything and now prefer to sit on the porch and stare at the sun, you're getting a preview of your future. I'd suggest you start taking vitamins asap.
If your kids are crazy, then they got it from you. Congratulations for successfully passing on your distorted view of the universe.
At one time or another, everybody gets to go crazy. In my experience, it's a short trip. Do not trust anyone who says they never get angry, they never forget, and they don't eat tuna. I don't love tuna but I could probably survive on it until mercury poisoning got to me.
I've said it before, so you already know. Don't get upset when I say it again. Women are crazy. There's a biological imperative here so don't get mad at me for saying so. Women go crazy once a month for a week or so. Shoot, some woman are crazy the entire month, month after month, year after year, and nobody does anything about it. When is the government going to step in and do something about the periodic insanity of females?
It's dangerous to have these females in positions of authority. Does Pelosi have the launch codes? I pray not. Are there female train engineers? Scary thought. There are female airline pilots but it's my understanding they take time off on those troublesome days.
Which presses the question: if you're crazy, do you know it? And, if somebody says they are rock-solid sane, is there any reason to believe them? Why, I've told multitudes I'm not crazy and no one ever believes me.
My excuse is I've had a number of crazy bitches in my life. To my defense, life is a gamble and I am inherently incompetent when it comes to women. There are no sure things except the sun coming up, taxes coming due, and the grim reaper someday coming for you. Statistics say you'll end marrying a crazy girl.
My advice is that if you can't fight off the insanity, then allow yourself to be happy about it. I'd like to tell you things are going to get better, but the truth is...
Tuesday, November 3, 2020
"Well, you need a driver's license or an approved ID to vote."
I gave her my VA ID which fingered me as a disabled vet as well as my driver's license.
"Thank you for your service," she said automatically.
"And thank you for yours," I responded.
So I was allowed to vote. I didn't have to wait in a long line and I voted straight ticket.
I expect all kinds of problems from the Left. Cheating, duplicate votes, dead people voting, and so on. Enough Democrats have commented that they will do whatever it takes to remove Trump from office. I believe them. To me, that means they're willing to cheat and break the law in order to win the election and get rid of their nemesis, the Trumpster. Isn't that what they've admitted on multiple occasions?
We should expect court cases that will attempt to invalidate the election results. There will be stories from the Left that will claim the election is a sham. NPR will express outrage for the next four years and Hillary will blame it all on Russian collusion. Pelosi will bring impeachment charges... again.
"We can't allow a man who pays hookers to pee on him to sit in the oval office," says Hillary, or something like that. Anyhoosit, Hillary should be the last person to make accusations. Why are we still hearing sound bites from her anyway? I hear she's contemplating the release of a nude Christmas calender. She's been working out and she wants to turn things around. Heh-heh.