Wednesday, November 4, 2020

Crazy Bitches


Crazy makes crazy, right? If you hang out with crazy, well then you're going to end up getting a dose. Crazy is contagious. If your wife or girlfiend (girlfiend, get it?) is crazy, then guess what? Yep, you're going to be crazy too. If your boss at work is crazy, you know what? You're going to be crazy too.

If the preacher at your church is a little whacked out, you're likely to be a little whacked-out too. If they ask you if you're "in love" with Jesus, you don't have to bow to peer pressure. If they ask if you'd care to donate to the Molly Fields Cemetery for the unborn, suggest cremation.

If your parents have begun to forget everything and now prefer to sit on the porch and stare at the sun, you're getting a preview of your future. I'd suggest you start taking vitamins asap.

If your kids are crazy, then they got it from you. Congratulations for successfully passing on your distorted view of the universe.

At one time or another, everybody gets to go crazy. In my experience, it's a short trip. Do not trust anyone who says they never get angry, they never forget, and they don't eat tuna. I don't love tuna but I could probably survive on it until mercury poisoning got to me.

I've said it before, so you already know. Don't get upset when I say it again. Women are crazy. There's a biological imperative here so don't get mad at me for saying so. Women go crazy once a month for a week or so. Shoot, some woman are crazy the entire month, month after month, year after year, and nobody does anything about it. When is the government going to step in and do something about the periodic insanity of females?

It's dangerous to have these females in positions of authority. Does Pelosi have the launch codes? I pray not. Are there female train engineers? Scary thought. There are female airline pilots but it's my understanding they take time off on those troublesome days.

Which presses the question: if you're crazy, do you know it? And, if somebody says they are rock-solid sane, is there any reason to believe them? Why, I've told multitudes I'm not crazy and no one ever believes me.

My excuse is I've had a number of crazy bitches in my life. To my defense, life is a gamble and I am inherently incompetent when it comes to women. There are no sure things except the sun coming up, taxes coming due, and the grim reaper someday coming for you. Statistics say you'll end marrying a crazy girl.

My advice is that if you can't fight off the insanity, then allow yourself to be happy about it. I'd like to tell you things are going to get better, but the truth is...

2 comments:

  1. I know a thing or 2 about crazy and I can recognize a zombie at 100 yards.

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  2. I like crazy girls who have ninja skills. They are fun right up to the point where they kill you. After that, not so much fun.

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