Sunday, January 24, 2021
Saturday, January 23, 2021
Smolif traces the fortunes of Contra Marlo, a retired, alcoholic, security specialist. Contra was the best before he dropped out and became a full-time drunk. When a company rep offers him a job, Marlo must deal with sobriety, inexperienced team members, and a lack of information -- as well as the dangers of an alien world and the man who would be king of that world.
Thursday, January 21, 2021
Hello. This is Dram. I was not born to the USA, but I have been naturalized. Even before my parents brought me here, I spoke English as a second language and kept up with everything American. Most of my friends did as well. We all wanted to be American because of the freedom to pursue whatever it is that spins your rotor, correct? Americans are crazy, but they're cool. So I came here and grew up and got educated and did everything most Americans do.
Joe Biden was sworn in as president today, so today is kind of a big deal and TommyBoy wanted me to issue an announcement, so this is it. Congratulations to Mr. Biden and his team. We love him and hope the world will still be a good place to hang out. Thank you in advance for our $2000 pandemic money.
But more about me. I am 37 and I like computers. So that's enough of that. I like girls, MILFs, fast food, metal music, fast cars, the beach, the mountains and the way Mexico used to be before everything got so weird. I used to like video games but I got too involved and had to go through a program for game addicts. It was my mother's idea.
I have a sister and a younger brother. I am not going to tell you their names but I will tell you how gay they are. On a scale from one to ten, we're talking a twelve. Twelvish. We live "out West" but are considering a move. I do not live with my parents but my apartment is only two blocks away. My family is tight so if I get a job somewhere and have to move, they would consider moving as well. That's sort of traditional for people of our origin and no, I am not going to say where.
One thing I love about America is hamburgers. Scorched meat and potatoes, how basic can you get? When I was a kid, I wanted to be a cook at Burger King. Remember those fold-up crowns they gave away? I would wear my crown and go around telling everyone that I was going to make it their way. Much of the time, without regard to what "it" was. I got in trouble at school when one of the girls attached a sexual connotation to my new favorite phrase.
Monday, January 18, 2021
The only job description I had was as a quality control radio technician/operator, antenna repairman, and small boat operator. In its wisdom, the work/study office gave me an assignment in Lewisville at a video game arcade. I had to turn it down because I did not have transportation. The next proffered job was at a place on the east side of the square in Denton called Wild Bill's Western Wear. Wild Bill was the son of the retired Marine Colonel who ran the Veteran's Service office in Denton whom I had worked for during an entire semester. It was hell. He hated me and my long hair. So, I ended up working at his son's western clothing store.
One day Wild Bill showed me the pistol he kept under the counter. "If anybody tries to rob us, use that to convince them otherwise."
"Okay," I said. “But what if it’s a shoplifter and he’s running out the door with a shirt or something?”
“Then shoot him.”
“For stealing a shirt?”
“What would you rather do? Just hand it over? Maybe some jeans too while you’re at it.”
Wild Bill was a big talker. Unlike his father, he did not serve in the military but apparently got the hard-ass attitude by osmosis. I didn’t have to shoot anybody at the western clothing store, thank goodness, and Wild Bill finally moved on after moving his store out to the mall and losing it because of high rent and low sales. Bill could have used some help with his personality too. I think the original place is a coffee bar now.
Have you people lost your fucking minds? You want to make threats against over half the nation? Well, of course you do since civil war is the goal. For my naysaying acquaintances out there, please don’t be so naïve. The evidence is there; the sound bites are there; the legislation is there; and, all the control structures are in place for it to happen. This COVID deal? It’s a part of the plan and it’s working to perfection. The offered vaccine is part of the final solution. Do not take it.
Thought of something funny the other day. Donald Trump’s initials are DT, right? Yep. DT also stands for domestic terrorist. And delirium tremors. Coincidence or arranged linguistic mind-fuck? You make the call.
A quick comment on the COVID vaccine: it’s the first of its kind, unlike other vaccines, this one is gene altering. The controllers have admitted the RNA source acts more like an operating system than a vaccine. Oh really? An operating system for what? Crickets chirping.
I also need to purchase materials for more wood decking which means postholes in rocky ground. Good times. I’ve decided to build a dry cabin out behind my place for when the ladies discover where I live. I’ll need a refuge. Of course, that’s on the basis of all women not turning into lesbians by then.
If you got sent to prison for umpteen years, would you consider bowing down to the great smokey? Would your basic urges subvert themselves? Would your cellmate start looking attractive in the dim light? I don’t think I would go that way. Unless, you know, I got sprayed with some gene-altering formula then I’d be the best cocksucker you ever saw because I’m good at everything I do. Somebody out there is shaking their head this very moment. Misquote me, I dare you.
Sunday, January 17, 2021
Friday, January 15, 2021
Although my mom checked out, my father insured I attended church and Sunday School most Sundays although dad was a rationalist and a devotee of the scientific method. I kept my dad's books after he died and I read them to help me understand who he was. He was raised fundamentalist Christian, but he read Ayn Rand and fringe folks like Ron Hubbard. There was Emily Dickinson and Walt Whitman on his shelf but also Two Years Before the Mast and The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn among others. So, I always felt as though my dad knew there was something more to the world but he didn't understand what it was exactly. Just like the rest of us. Maybe it was Jesus and maybe it wasn't. There wasn't a lot of praying going on at my house as far as I can remember unless it was me praying I wouldn't get punished for something I had done.
I became a Christian at an early age due to the fact everyone around me was a Christian. It was all I knew. I was raised a Christian with those values. You know, the Ten Commandments and all that. I knew all the books of the Bible and had read the entire thing before I was ten. That was back when America was a Christian nation. It's not anymore, but that's another topic. After my father's death, I allowed my secret atheist to come forth and that was my outlook for a while until I began practicing martial arts and my teachers began showing me how to meditate in order to calm down and better connect with myself. In college, I volunteered for encounter group therapy, and isolation chamber studies. I attended free meditation classes and finally joined an ashram for more personalized instruction. I enjoyed marijuana and LSD. My official IQ score floated up ten points.
I have a history of interest in metaphysical things and I am a student of psychology. It's not a leap to say I view the world as a set of social paradigms, each containing its own self-explanation and recommendations about how to carry on. Christianity, for example, is one of these paradigms. So is Islam. Truth is interpreted uniquely within each paradigm, but there is still much overlap, and we might even call these overlapping areas, universal truths. In any case, these religions have more in common than one would think, especially when motives and beliefs can be attributed to actual human behavior.
All of this is a preface to writing about my recent experience with a native American Indian shaman. Over the past month, I've made several references to an issue that developed in my personal life that turned out to be most upsetting. I wasted five years on someone as well as my personal resources and associated emotional investment. She mind-fucked me and it really worked me over. I've been beset by worry, personal doubt, depression, and thoughts of suicide -- believe me, that's not me.
With the help of the shaman, I came to understand my behavior was the result of new, deviant beliefs that had been introduced to my psyche at a subliminal level. My view of reality was distorted because someone trusted had lied to me consistently for a long time. It worked to poison my soul.
Shaman calls her a witch and says she enchanted me. The woman who performed the purifying ritual calls her a demon and reminded me that a demon is someone who has lived in a sinful state for too long and has incorporated that state into their being. I accept both those terms as apt descriptions.
I've received a number of emails containing negative remarks about my efforts to clear my mind. Like, how could a "seemingly intelligent man bow to such a load of horseshit?" or "why don't you just go find a woman somewhere and f*ck her until you feel better?"
I'll bet my load of horseshit can measure up to yours. Plus, I think I will take the later advice and get my jets cleaned. Shaman said something to that effect as well. Maybe I’ll join match.com. Ladies, I'm taking auditions again. If interested, send me your digits in an email. Maybe a picture too.
In regard to the actual ceremony to get my mind right again, I can’t say too much about it because I was asked not to. I can share some other pertinent facts, though. If I never see another black feather again, it'll be too soon. I like the smell of sage but that too has its limits. I've lost twenty-eight pounds. I can distinguish between filtered and unfiltered water. I can sit in a sweat lodge for a long time. I have renewed respect for native American religion although I think I'll just keep to my simple meditations. I've gotten way quieter at walking through the woods. Shaman calls me the "almost invisible man."
I am coming out of this with a clearer understanding of modern Christianity and I am quite certain I no longer wish to participate in such intellectual suicide. To be clear, the corruption and immorality that has hollowed out America is also at work in our churches. You may be sitting next to a demon, chances are good you are. I am not saying the Bible is not worth reading nor am I saying Jesus was not God (I don’t know anymore.), but I am saying no organized religion has the right to tell me what to think or to press their rules on me, a free man by birth, especially when members participate in immoral practices. I know just as much about the nature of God as anyone else so please don't try to tell me what God is thinking or attempt to bend Him to your will and then convince me it’s all a part of the new covenant or some other rationalization. It is my growing belief that modern Christianity has been subverted and is being used by the new order to keep citizens dull and pacified, as well as causing sinful practices to be accepted – like lesbianism, homosexuality, and pederasty. I also wonder if past versions of Christianity have been similarly distorted and various forms of sin repackaged and presented as righteous behavior. I think it is likely.
I made the mistake of breaking my fast a day early. I didn’t think it would make any difference. It did. My stomach and sides are sore from retching.
Shaman says "the ceremony took me in" which means it was successful but he didn't have to tell me because I already knew. I can feel it. What was bothering me is fading. My anger is receding. Shaman says it will return in flare-ups because it is justified and true but I will control the rage. I have no fear and I have no respect for evil. The devil is weak and that's why she is such a good liar. She must be practiced in deception in order to get her way. I’ve had time to go back in my mind and deconstruct what I thought was real and put it together again closer to the right way, that is, the more truthful way. My emotional investment is wasted, turned bitter. It has been an expensive experience and my new car fund has once again been depleted. My old truck needs to keep running until I can sell a bunch of books again.
All the same, the world is corrupt and it's best not to be attached to it. Evil can spring up at any time and usually does.
Here's some free advice to all you honest seekers out there:
1. Avoid opportunities to make fast money from another person's misery.
2. As long as people are smiling and happy and no blood is showing, mind your own business.
3. If somebody acts crazy, they probably are.
4. Crazy doesn't have to be terminal. Get yourself some help.
5. Political correctness is for manipulators.
6. Freedom is freedom. Granting civil rights is not granting freedom. Don't mix the concepts.
7. Equality is a myth.
8. Justice is a myth.
9. Love is a state of mind, a chemical imbalance. Truth is forever.
10. Protect yourself from con artists, emotional vampires, narcissists, gold-diggers, false idols, the sexually depraved, bad drugs, poor bosses, bloated egos, American women, politicians, police, and distracted drivers. As well as bad vibes and the devil. Walk backwards away from evil.
I made it halfway home before bivuacing at dusk. Five minutes to string a tarp over my head. Cleared the area by kicking all loose objects away and sweeping with my big feet, then spread a ground cloth, pulled out a mummy bag, took off my boots and crawled inside. I shut down immediately. I woke up about two in the morning. I was comfy but my face was exposed and I had ice on my upper lip, my moustache was frozen. My breath came out in steamy clouds. I felt pretty good. The tarp over my head had shifted and I could see the stars, specifically Orion’s belt. I felt lucky to be there. I felt lucky to be anywhere, to tell you the truth.
I do go on about my encounters with the corruption in the world as well as my own personal struggles. I’ve changed/re-adjusted my mind several times as to the nature of reality and the dynamics of manipulating our lives in the pursuit of what we want, or often, what we think we want. Personally, I strive for balance. I know character and rationale are formed through cycles of trial and error, seeing what works, and what the ramifications are for choosing some actions over others. Excellence does not come by chance. It appears when one has prepared for opportunity. Preparation is had by discipline, by honing one’s mind, and/or one’s body (that’s the core of the essential Greek ideal in classicism). And yet, there is evil in the world that desires to start up the fog machine and obfuscate everything. It’s easier to get away with your crimes behind a smokescreen, yes? Evil uses deception to gather power and she doesn’t care who gets injured as long as it’s not her or one of her inner circle. I’ve seen this kind of evil up close and now I can say I know the devil on a first name basis.